Over the weekend, this handsome fella gave me the entire day off. Thats right, from 10 a.m until 6 p.m I was alone in Manhattan doing whatever I wanted. There are no pictures from said day because my phone was checked into the Apple store to fix my cracked screen (I know, you probably thought this post was going to be about how great Aaron is because of the picture but don’t worry, a few father’s day posts will be up next week). I didn’t do anything that exciting but isn’t that the whole point? To be able to get on and off the subway without carrying small children or a stroller up a million stairs or to make the decision to walk 2 miles because its a beautiful day and I’m not in any rush are just a few of the small luxuries I enjoyed.
But you want to know what was even better than all this alone time? When I came home both girls came running towards me with open arms saying “Mama! Mama! Mama!”. I know, eye roll. I kind of can’t stand when moms say this but this past year of living in New York we haven’t had a babysitter or family to watch the girls so I haven’t been away from them for much longer than an hour to do some grocery shopping. They haven’t had the opportunity to miss me in a whole year. When Aaron works long hours or has been traveling for business he gets this amazing reception every time he comes home and, I have to admit, I’ve been a little jealous. Everyday I am the one who says “no”, the one setting limits, the one saying “wait” while I help the other one. Lately, my patience has been running extremely low and I haven’t felt like I’ve been the best version of myself with the girls. But, coming home after my day off I was so excited to get on the floor and do a puzzle, read 20 books, give the girls their bath, and tuck them in. I was refreshed and happy to be doing things that for weeks had felt mundane and tedious. I need my time away to be the mom I want to be. I’ve been throwing around the idea of going back to work for the past six months. I’m not sure I’m ready for something full-time or to say goodbye to being a stay-at-home mom but, this blog has shown me that I’m longing for a creative outlet, for connection with other people who have the same interests, and for something that is just mine.
What do you do to keep your identity when you are in the throws of motherhood?