On Tuesday, I met Nicki at this amazing interactive art experience at Pearlfisher in SoHo called “Jump In”. She had a friend cancel last minute and I jumped at the opportunity to take her ticket, as the event is completely sold out. It was amazing. At first I thought, this is going to be fun for maybe 5 minutes and then I’ll be ready to go but from the first time I jumped until our time was up, I didn’t stop laughing. I felt like a kid again, stopping with my parents at a McDonald’s with a playground off of I-95 somewhere in North Carolina and getting all of this energy out.
To be honest, I didn’t know how I was really going to feel. I don’t want this post to come across as a vague “woe is me” or seem like a cry for help, because its not, but on Monday night I went through something really difficult (that I’m just not ready to talk about at this moment) and I couldn’t see how I was going to get out of bed the next day. I didn’t know how I was going to face anyone without completely breaking down. I didn’t know what I was going to do. But I woke up, got dressed, put a frozen washcloth over my eyes that were so swollen from crying all night, and just jumped in feet first. Something about the physicality of it (seriously, we were sweating!), the silliness, the freedom of falling just allowed me to forget about everything and be in the present moment, not the shitty situation I had found myself in the night before.
Anyways, all of this is to say, I’m not okay and that’s okay. I know I’m going to be. There are going to be times when I feel like I’m drowning and other times when I’m able to be free and present. I’m grateful that I have my girls to ground me and keep pushing me towards acceptance and faith in the idea that time heals all wounds and there is a lesson to be learned in all of this. I know from my previous difficulties that I do come out stronger, even though it may be hard to see right now.
We don’t have big plans for the weekend but I want to do something very New York summer before fall arrives. Maybe Governor’s Island? Rockaways? What are you guys up to?