Throwing it back today with a super old bathroom selfie that I used to announce my pregnancy with Edith on Facebook on October 3, 2011. I was 12 weeks along and couldn’t wait to share the news with everyone. You see, Edith was a “surprise”. Aaron and I had just gotten engaged in May, right after my college graduation, and wedding planning was in full swing. We were living in San Francisco and he was waiting tables and I was working at Madewell. I had placed a deposit down on a venue and with a wedding planner that I absolutely loved. We were going to get married the following fall and it was going to be a big Southern wedding with 200 people and it would be the wedding of my dreams.
Well, one night in late July, before I was going to go wedding dress shopping for the first time with my Maid of Honor and Mother-in-Law, I went and bought a pregnancy test. I was a few days late and had been feeling a little dizzy. My periods were always irregular and I’m generally an anxious person, so having these types of “scares” wasn’t too abnormal for me. But something about this time felt different. I knew before I took the test. As soon as I peed on the stick I was 99% certain the two lines for ‘pregnant’ immediately appeared but I went back out to the living room to sit with Aaron as we waited for the longest 2 minutes of our lives.
I told him to go look and he came out with a huge sigh of relief, “Nope! Its negative!”. But I double checked because I had been so sure of what I saw and then I yelled at him, “Two lines means pregnant!”. We both laughed and then walked up to the grocery store at the top of Nob Hill. We bought 5 different types of test, which looking back on I can’t help but laugh at our naivety, and they were all positive.
We called my mom the next morning and told Aaron’s mom too. Even though it was still early, I knew she would get suspicious of me only picking out the empire-waist wedding dresses and if things didn’t work out, I wanted everyone there for support. We were met with so much love and excitement and we knew that even if it wasn’t our “plan”, it was an adventure we couldn’t wait for. We changed our entire wedding. We cancelled the planner and our original venue, moved our wedding to just 90 days away, and started making room for our baby.
Our FaceBook announcement picture for Lilah! Of course the first thing I notice is the tired eyes and messy hair and fuller face, but then I look and remember how less afraid I was this time around, how much joy I knew was coming my way, and how much love and laughter I knew would soon fill our home.
I knew I was pregnant with Lilah before I even took the test. I had just eaten lunch and felt dizzy and lightheaded. It was the same symptom I had for most of my first trimester with Edith. Aaron and I were walking in the Standford Shopping Center with Edith as we did most weekends and I turned to him and said, “I’m pregnant”. We had only been trying for two months so it was such a relief to have it come to us so quickly.
I always knew I wanted to be a Mother from as long as I could remember. I didn’t know how or when or with whom, but I knew that Motherhood was calling me. Sometimes I feel like I’m still growing up with Edith, that I’m still figuring out who I am in this world and where I’m going. But having her and Lilah has grounded me very deep in this spiritual connection I have to myself and them and the world and all of the other incredible women I have met on this journey.
Be sure to check out the creative women in the #TogetherWeMother Series by visiting their blogs below: