Okay, just going to let you guys know this is an emotional one. This week, as part of the #TogetherWeMother series, we were asked to write a letter to our father/father figure/husbands and it took me a good long while to get the courage to sit with my laptop and write this one out. As you know, my Dad passed away a little over a year ago so I could just write a letter to Aaron and make it easier but instead, I wanted to write one to both. So, in honor of Father’s Day, here are my letters to the two men in my life….
First of all, I want you to know I’m okay. Now that some time has passed, the hole that exists in my heart now that you’re gone doesn’t carry the same pain that it did last year. I can make it through the day and even several days in a row without crying. I talk about you and smile and laugh with Mary (my sister) about the funny things you did and I’m sad but I can be happy with the memories I have of you.
Father’s Day really won’t ever be the same for me again but that’s ok. I’ll be at your grave to visit you, a new tradition that Aaron came up with. He gives me the space to be with you and I love him for it. I think a lot of why I’m with him has to do with you. I grew up watching you be an honest, hardworking, dedicated man and that’s exactly the kind of man I chose to marry.
What I remember about you as a father most was your willingness to just listen to whatever I had to say without judgement. I think even in my lowest and most disappointing hours, you never saw me as anything other than your perfect little girl. You never made me feel ashamed or less than. You were fair and level-headed and I hope that when my girls come to me with something I don’t want to hear, I can meet them with the same openness and forgiveness that you showed me.
I know you’d be so proud of me. Proud that I’ve fought for what I have, that I’ve found my own way in the world to work, and that I’ve stood up for what I believe in. I still feel you with me – every time that Frank Sinatra comes on from the Sing soundtrack the girls play on repeat, every time I eat a Haagen Dazs vanilla scoop on the stoop, and random times all throughout my day.
So I’ll see you Sunday. I’ll bring a picnic, watch my girls dance under the tree where you are buried, and then I’ll play one of your favorite songs (“Send in the Clowns”) until I find the courage to get up and say good-bye until next year.
I love you Daddy.
Where can I even start. You’re the best Dad. We go to the park and there isn’t anyone who can compete. You’re the best Tickle Monster, Hide-and-Seeker, Pillaging Pirate, and whatever other evil character the girls come up for you that day. There’s no game too silly, too out there that you won’t play. Their smiles are always the biggest when they are with you. You throw them all around and chase them until you’re all out of breath. And I sit on the bench and watch you steal my heart all over again.
I love that I can call you and say, “I need your help” and then you’re here. You do all of the things that no one else wants to do (balance the budget, file paperwork for passports/school registration/etc.., and manage our schedules) and you do it without complaining. You just love to take care of us and I appreciate it more than you can know.
I know I just said that I want to be the one the girls come to when they want someone to just listen, but it’s you. You’re calm, rational, and so selfless when it comes to them. You have no agenda for their lives, no strings attached, it’s just love.
Time after time, you confirm that you’re one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my life. That I couldn’t be more grateful that I got out of my own way and let you love me and that you’re the one who I’m in this parenting journey together with.
I love you Sill.
This post was written for a writing series I’m part of called, Together We Mother. Be sure to check out the creative women in the #TogetherWeMother Series by visiting their blogs below: